It’s the perfect cozy Saturday today. Rainy, a little chilly, lots of blankets, books, naps, fresh-baked beer bread…I love it. It’s also Valentine’s Day, and we have no plans to leave our house. My husband and I celebrated each other a few nights ago at a very swanky restaurant where I had a saffron risotto that made me want to weep with joy, and it was perfect.

Valentine’s Day always brings up conversations about self-love, and I think it’s worth sitting with that for a moment. I’ve been thinking about it while working on some watercolor paintings this week: soft colors, imperfect lines, nothing overly polished. The kids sometimes joined in with their own projects and sometimes they just played or read nearby, but it’s important that they saw me set down the endless to-do list of running a home and take some time to joyfully create. I don’t think self-love is about putting ourselves at the center of everything. I think it’s about recognizing that we are created, known, and already loved. Treating ourselves with care because of that truth, not because we’re trying to prove something or earn worth we already have. It’s ok to get behind on laundry and do something gentle every now and then.

Today, of course, I feel deeply grateful for my husband, not just for the big things, though there are plenty of those, but for the ordinary faithfulness of loving the same person every day. In fact, this morning alone we have team-worked through dog diarrhea, a sick child, and potty training. How lucky am I that we can do all that with laughter and cooperation? Our love looks less like fireworks and more like staying, choosing each other when it’s boring, hard, or inconvenient. That kind of love feels more miraculous to me the longer we live it.

As a Christian, marriage is not just a deep relationship, it’s even more than that: it’s a symbol of how Christ loves the church. Once, an Elder at our church named Joe gave a sermon about how works don’t save us, but works naturally are born out of a saving faith. Vine and fruit, if you will. He gave the most beautiful illustration that has stuck with me for years now. He shared that his wife loves a neatly made bed every morning, and he truly couldn’t care less about the bed. Even still, out of love, he makes the bed every morning, and does it happily, because he wants to. His heart towards bed-making has been re-shaped by love. How I identify with that! The good things we do for each other and in God’s name are born out of the love we have for HIM, and hopefully point back to His glory. When we do things for Christ out of obligation, it gets heavy fast. The joy drains out. But when love is the motivator, when service, sacrifice, and obedience come from gratitude, it changes everything.

So today, whether your Valentine’s Day looks romantic, quiet, chaotic, lonely, or beautifully ordinary, I hope you feel surrounded by love in some form, from a spouse, a friend, your children, your calling, a hobby, your faith. To paraphrase a really great writer, may we love well because we were loved first.