Ah, the stomach bug. It’s that unwelcome guest who shows up uninvited, overstays its welcome, and leaves you with a mess that makes a toddler’s bedrrom look like a tidy little oasis. If you find yourself in the middle of a family-wide gastrointestinal revolt, I feel your pain. We are now two days post-bug and I have a few tips for you; a field guide, if you will.

1. Gather your supplies

When the storm hits, make sure you’re stocked up on the essentials: clean towels, stainless steel bowls (or other throw-up containers), mints, bland foods, carpet cleaner, coconut water or other rehydration drink, popsicles, and bland foods.

Pro tip: If you think your kids are going to be sick, just assume the worst and prepare as if you’re gearing up for a zombie apocalypse. Make sure your toilets are freshly cleaned and catch up on laundry. I hopefully don’t need to explain this.

2. Create Your Stomach Bug Zone

Designate a “sick zone” in your home. This is the infirmary. Lay down towels—because let’s face it, it’s going to get messy. Make sure the couch is comfy because you’ll be spending quality time there, binging movies and shows to distract your patients.

3. Play Nurse (or Detective)

As your kids present their various symptoms take notes! You’ll need them for when you finally reach out to the pediatrician who will inevitably make you feel like you’re overreacting. Also document when you give medications.

4. The Art of Distraction

You’re going to need to keep your kids entertained while they’re feeling less than stellar. Cue screen time, audio books, and lots of patience. Just remember, there’s no such thing as too many episodes when the alternative is cleaning up a disaster.

Caution: Try not to engage in any intense activities that involve movement. I’ve learned this the hard way.

5. Rehydrate slowly

At some point, you just have to accept that your home is a disaster zone. To get back to normal, slowly, add water in after your child has been vomit-free for a pre-determined amount of time. You can talk to your doctor about this, but I usually do a minimum of an hour before I give water, and then only about a teaspoon, truly.

Pro tip: Invest in a good air freshener. Enough said.

6. Don’t Get Creative with Meals

When the stomach bug has struck, I stick to bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast before graduating them to anything as complex as chicken soup.

Warning: Avoid anything with a strong smell or fancy ingredients; you’re trying to keep things edible and unoffensive.

7. Remember to Laugh

As you wade through the chaos, remember that laughter is your best medicine. Share the ridiculous moments with your partner or friends. The time your husband was trying to carry a child to the kitchen sink and you somehow got caught in the crossfire? That’s comedy gold, folks.

Final tip: Take a moment to appreciate the absurdity of it all. As hard as it is, you’re thankful for these little souls to care for. One day, you’ll look back on this and laugh—preferably after you’ve sanitized every surface in your house.

Conclusion: You Will Survive

So there you have it, fellow warriors. Surviving a stomach bug invasion is all about preparation, humor, and a touch of insanity. Embrace the mess, channel your inner nurse, and remember that this too shall pass—along with the stomach bug, hopefully before it claims your sanity.

Now go wash your hands and don’t google how the stomach bug is spread.